Have you ever found yourself thinking about someone so deeply that Whatever they do makes you smile, their voice sounds like a lullaby, their look gives you a butterfly, And you crave to be around them all the time? The question is what exactly do you feel for that person? Love or infatuation?
The truth is that “Love and infatuation” can look the same at first. After all, both of them stir emotions, but they are very different from each other, and we will be looking at those differences in this post today. After reading this post, you will be bold enough to make the best decisions of your life.
Note that both Love and infatuation trigger powerful emotions and physical responses, such as butterflies in the stomach to consistent thoughts about somebody. However, it is appropriate to understand the difference between having genuine love and mere infatuation can save you from impending heartbreak as well as help you build a successful relationship.
In our article today, we will explore the psychology behind the feelings of love and infatuation and how you can recognize what you are truly feeling. Before we delve into that, let’s get acquainted with what love and infatuation means.
Let’s dive in.
Love can be described as a deep and enduring emotional connection that gradually and consistently develops over time. Love is always characterized by mutual trust, respect, and acceptance.
When you talk about true love, it is all about seeing someone’s flaws and still choosing to care for them anyway.
This is not just about having intense emotions for someone but also about compromise, commitment, and unwavering support through thick and thin.
According to psychologists, love has three components namely:
When you have these three ingredients present in any relationship, you are experiencing what feeling what the experts describe as “consummate love” – the complete type of love.
On the other hand, infatuation is an extraordinary but very short-lived passion or intense admiration for someone. The fact is that infatuation is often called love at first sight. It is characterized by the idealization of another person, strong physical attraction, and obsessive thinking.
At the time of infatuation, the person’s brain will release some chemicals called dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin as it does during the high intoxication of a drug.
This biochemical reaction is the main reason why infatuation feels all-consuming. Because your brain is literally “high” about the other person, it will introduce a sense of euphoria that will make you think the way you do.
When you are feeling infatuated, your body will respond with some unmistakable physical language. This unique state is often confused with love which manifests through through some psychological reactions that can be all-consuming.
The feelings of infatuation can trigger a cascade of bodily responses which include –
These feelings or reactions usually come from deep down your brain to release some hormones like dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These chemicals create a natural high that feels wonderful but can’t be sustained for a long time.
Although love can also begin with infatuation, genuine love goes beyond these initial physical symptoms and then becomes deeper and more enduring.
While love may begin with infatuation, genuine love evolves beyond these initial physical symptoms into something deeper and more enduring.
Understanding the difference between love and infatuation helps us to navigate the relationship with greater emotional intelligence and awareness.
Emotional Patterns:
– Seeing that person as the perfect person.
– Having obsessive thoughts about the person.
– Over-possessiveness and jealousy.
– Neglect all glaring red flags and overlook all compatibility issues.
– Neglecting who they are and prioritizing how they make you feel.
The Timeline Of Infatuation:
Research has suggested that infatuation does not last long, maybe 6 months to 3 years, and the most intense feelings usually peak around 6-12 months. This timeline is in line with the evolutionary psychology theories which state that “it is long enough to form an attachment that could lead to reproduction but not always long enough to ensure long-term parenting partnership.” Isn’t that terrible?
Now, if your feelings haven’t gone beyond the severe, idealized emotions after some years, then it’s a sign you are stuck in an incessant infatuation and not love.
One of the great differences between love and infatuation is that true love grows stronger over time, while infatuation fades. As both of you experience life challenges, your bond grows as well. You develop shared history inside jokes and mutual understanding that empowers your connection.
Real love is not about maintaining constant intensity but all about experiencing steady, warm, and constant intensity that occasionally flickers into passion. It’s comfortable but never boring, as the people in love continue to grow together and individually.
Acceptance of flaws:
One of the profound signs of love and infatuation is how you perceive each other’s imperfections:
When it comes to infatuation, you either overlook it or dismiss it. In love, you see those flaws clearly, but you accept them because you know that no one is perfect. That is what love is all about, and you are not perfect as well, but you choose to embrace those imperfections rather than pretend they don’t exist.
Supportive Behaviors:
Love is more than just a fleeting emotion; it is a continuous commitment that is expressed through actions that uplift, nurture, and support your partner. Love is all about celebrating success wholeheartedly without comparison and rejoicing in someone’s achievements without jealousy.
True love also does not weave through difficult times but offers strength, reassurance, and encouragement when they are most needed. Love requires making sacrifices, not by force, but from your deepest desires to ensure they are happy. It also means you are respecting your partner’s independence, encouraging their dreams, and always there to take them to them on the part that’s different from theirs.
At the core of it, we can describe love as acting in the best, even when it’s easy for you or not because you can’t see them unhappy. But, note that this does not mean that you are losing yourself in your relationship, but because you find tremendous joy in their joy and because you know that love is strongest when everyone feels supported.
Perfect love thrives when there are good communication skills, especially where partners are active listeners, empathetic, and are not afraid to express themselves. It also thrives when there is a willingness to tackle their conflicts with respect for each other’s opinions. Infatuation, on the other hand, loves to prioritize maintaining an idealized image that is genuine understanding.
Healthy love is always authentic and ensures that communication strengthens the bond without masking the flaws. By valuing emotional depth over surface-level astray, real love provides a perfect foundation built on trust and connection. The goal of true love is to build a deeper relationship built on real conversations, understanding, and commitment to growth.
1. Can you list five to ten flaws or annoying habits I have seen from this person?
2. Would you still be in love with this same person if they lost or gained weight, lost their job, or were in serious sickness?
3. Do you know this person’s dreams, fears, or values, and how do they align with yours?
3. How would you feel when that person needs a space or want some time with their friends?
4. Have you experienced conflicts before? If yes, how did you tackle it?
5. Do your close friends or family have concerns about relationships?
6. Can you make major decisions based on your relationship right now?
7. What are your attractions for this person? Are they physical, or do you also love to spend time with our romance?
According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who studies love, “There are three brain systems in every Romantic relationship. They are –
1. Lust: The Biological Drive Behind Physical Desire:
Lust is usually fueled by estrogen and testosterone, which are responsible for physical attraction. It is the primal force that fosters reproduction and doesn’t necessarily lead to deeper emotional bonds. Although lust can also spark foremost interest, it lacks the depth of love and infatuation and also makes it a powerful experience, but short-lived.
2. Attraction: The Intoxicating Rush of New Love:
Attraction is a very interesting phase where both love and infatuation take center stage and drive dopamine and norepinephrine. This stage fosters obsession and euphoria, which makes the partners feel deeply connected.
This is also nature’s ware of deepening bonds, through the intensity that often fades. That’s why it requires deeper emotional work so it can sustain love.
3. Attachment: The Foundation of Lasting Love:
Attachment is what makes a fleeting romance become a long-term commitment. It is governed by hormones known as vasopressin and oxytocin, which fosters trust and companionship. Unlike infatuation, attachment is steady and enduring and it helps couples to build a stronger relationship that withstands challenges.
Infatuation is a way nature gets humans to choose their mate so that our species carries on,” says Esther Perel, a relationship expert. It is such a beautiful experience, but not sustainable. Long-term love requires different approaches, skills, and awareness.
Research on attachment styles also gives insights into how romantic connections are formed. We learn that people with secure attachments always form healthier long-term relationships. People with anxious or avoidant attacks struggle with patterns that make them feel infatuated rather than developing stronger bonds.
If you read to this stage, you will learn how to make your infatuation become real love. Below few tips to do that:
Take things easy because true love develops gradually, and don’t rush into major commitments. Plan to know the real person well by asking meaningful questions, spending time, and meeting their family and friends.
Share vulnerabilities and be ready to move your conversation beyond the surface level. Talk about your fears, insecurities, and past experiences
Go through your challenges together. This will help you know how you function as a team.
Learn also to be who you are. Keep going after your interests. Also, have time to spend with friends and nurture your personal growth. Maintain your identity. Keep pursuing your interests, seeing your friends, and nurturing your personal growth.
Knowing the differences between love and infatuation is very important for making wise relationship choices. Though infatuation can be overwhelming and intoxicating, true love grows gradually and steadily and is built on commitment, trust, and emotional depth. Infatuation doesn’t last, but love endures and supports couples through life’s challenges.
As you understand the signs of love and infatuation, you are ready to navigate your emotions with clarity and avoid spontaneous decisions that cause heartbreak. So now, whether you are experiencing a fleeting crush or affection. It will be best to develop your self-awareness, so you can build a meaningful and lasting connection that stands the test of time.
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