16 Sure Smart But Wrong Marriage Advice To Neglect

Everywhere you turn, you will hear advice on how to strengthen your marriage or make your spouse happy. While some of the advice is genuinely helpful, most of it that sounds smart on the surface is actually wrong marriage advice that can hurt your marriage more than help it succeed.

You have read countless materials on marriage improvement, attended seminars and marriage retreats, and your marriage isn’t improving in any form. Why? The answer is that not all advice comes from reputable marriage counselors or marriage professionals, and wrong marriage advice often masquerades as wisdom.

The truth is that wrong marriage advice can negatively impact your relationship, and even make things worse than before. In this post, I will show you the seemingly smart but harmful marriage advice that could be subtly harming your relationship unknowingly.

Recognizing these common myths will help you avoid the pitfalls that have kept many couples trapped, so you can focus on what truly works.

Seemingly Smart But Wrong Marriage Advice:

Myth #1: Finding “The One” Guarantees a Happy Marriage:

A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.

I think that quote says it all.

Of course, you may have read some articles on how to find the perfect man or woman for marriage. That is good; many signs will show you how good someone may be, but they will never show you that perfect person for marriage.

Marriage is the only thing in this life where you are not sure of what you get. It is you who will make your marriage what you want it to be. I know some couples who had a terrible time at the beginning of their marriage and are now living happily, and some also started well and ended poorly.

However, it may be foolish to marry someone when you know he or she is of questionable character, and I did not mean you should wait to see the perfect one. Just go in and believe you will have the best marriage ever, work on it, and bring it to near perfection.

Myth #2: Arguments Will Ruin Your Marriage:

You may have heard that arguing with your spouse is bad. Again, this is another wrong marriage advice you must overlook.

You expected that your marriage would move smoothly with just a few small bumps along the way, and then realized you were wrong, because you have witnessed more serious struggles for money, power, sex, children, and even how to share household responsibilities, all trying to tear your marriage apart.

But here is what you must understand: Every marriage is faced with all these same problems, so there are no problems with your marriage. Many couples decide to keep a distance from themselves instead of finding a way to settle their scores; at last, they find their marriage falling apart because the gulf has become so big that they cannot get back together again.

This is What Differentiates A Happy Marriage From The Others.

Happy couples sometimes welcome challenges to their marriage because they believe that quarrels, arguments, and heated conversations can be a possible force that can help them move forward in their marriage.

Myth #3: Marriage Will Fix All Your Problems:

Many people get into marriage because they believe in their hearts that marriage will help them make their lives better. But that is the most useless thing to believe; having that belief will only make you feel bad when what you think didn’t happen the way you wanted it to.

Just tell me how two people with bad or no jobs at all, poor health, the wrong attitude, and bad habits could come together as couples, believing there will be harmony in their marriage.

Having in mind that your marriage will fix anything will cause the most damage to you, especially when you still see those attitudes there. It is also one of the wrong marriage advice you’ll get out there.

Probably, you know your spouse to be an addict, a narcissist, or a drunkard, and you think you will work on it; it will not work at all. If he did not change before you said I did, then it will not change again.

Have this quote in mind: “Any habit, tendency, or addiction you have before your wedding day will become worse after you marry.”

Myth #4: Marriage Automatically Brings Happiness:

Many couples fall for this wrong marriage advice and stop putting in effort. If you are the type of person who believes that marriage will make you happy, then you are very wrong. It is only you who can make yourself happy.

You can indeed find joy, satisfaction, and companionship in marriage, but keep in mind that you will also feel depressed, annoyed, angry, and confused. Sometimes you will also wonder if you made the worst mistakes in getting married in the first place.

Many newly married couples are surprised when, in their first or second year of marriage, they find out that they are so depressed about the way things are going; that is why sometimes you hear them complaining about their spouse to their friends, and you will see in their eyes that they are not enjoying the marriage.

One important thing you must do is expect the best for your marriage.

There is no doubt marriage can produce joy naturally; however, there is no doubt also about what stress living and sharing a life with someone can produce, and the stress will be more to you when you have the belief that your marriage will fix it.

Nobody is responsible for your happiness, not even your marriage.

Believing your spouse will bring joy and happiness to you will only make you put more unrealistic pressure on yourself, which will hurt your marriage.

Myth #5: Marriage Is Constant Hard Work:

That may be true only if you think having sex is work, holding hands as you take a stroll together is work, taking a summer holiday, or spending quality time with your spouse is also work.

Understand this. : )

Marriage does not require much work. All you need to make your marriage work properly is attention. Your partner needs your pure and undivided attention most of the time.

The marriages that crumbled were because proper attention was not given to them.

In the same way, your health will deteriorate when you do not pay attention to it; that is how your marriage will crumble when you refuse to devote your time to it.

So you must remove your mind from the feeling that marriage takes more work and plan how to pay proper attention to your marriage. That is when you will see the changes you require.

Myth #6: Your Spouse Should Read Your Mind If They Truly Love You:

That is another wrong marriage advice. Your spouse is just a human being, just as you are, and there is no way he/she could read your mind to know your wants and needs.

You must make frantic efforts to communicate them clearly to your spouse, and that is when you can expect him/her to know all you need.

So instead of believing that your spouse should read your mind and know what your needs are if the love is there, replace it with if I love my spouse, I must be open to tell him/her what I need and not expect him/her to be a mind reader. This wrong marriage advice sets up unrealistic expectations that lead to resentment.

Myth #7: Women Should Be Indirect in Communication:

Direct communication is key—don’t fall for bad marriage advice that promotes manipulation.” It is better and healthier to be honest and open during communication with one another to eliminate ‘repression’ or manipulations.

I have heard so many times from people that women should be creative when they want to share their desires and ideas, rather than saying them directly, so as not to confuse.

But that’s also wrong marriage advice: what I think is the best, especially when you are trying to make your marriage strong, is pretty much better to make decisions together; that will take away subtle and other “manipulative games” from your marriage.

Myth #8: Never Seek Outside Help for Marriage Problems:

Somehow this tends to be true, but it is surely wrong marriage advice, especially when you get it from people who are inexperienced in family issues.

There may be times in your marriage when you will need a marriage therapist, counselor, financial planner, or sex therapist to help you in most of the areas mentioned above.

When things are not moving the way they should in some areas of your marriage, look for an expert who studies how to solve those problems. They may bring you the solution you need.

Myth #9: Copy What Works for Other Couples:

This wrong marriage advice destroys marriages faster than almost anything else. It is okay to have a role model. However, sometimes in life, what works for someone else may not work for the other. So this is wrong marriage advice, too.

Marriage is a relationship between different people with different attitudes and lifestyles. Tweet This

To make your marriage work the way you want it, you must know and understand your partner very well. When you know your spouse, you will know how best to live with him or her.

This is the reason why what works for one marriage may not work for you. Figure out the things that will work and make your marriage stronger, and get busy doing it.

Example: you know some couples who travel out of the country for the summer, and you force yourself to do the same when you have a tight budget; what do you think will happen next? Debt and eventually stress.

Myth #10: Change Your Spouse by Pointing Out Their Flaws:

One of the ways to destroy your marriage in 10 minutes is to believe you can change your partner. Blames and nagging are the best recipe for that.

The only way you can help change your spouse is to develop good communication skills, but you cannot achieve that through criticism and nagging. That will only hurt your marriage more.

Myth #11: Good Relationships Happen Automatically Over Time:

No marriage becomes strong or happy just like that. It takes the sincere and constant work, care, and nurturing of the couple to make it happen.

Let’s use this as an example: We must study hard if we want to get good grades in our exams, we must exercise if we want to be fit, and it takes proper work if we want to achieve any good thing in life; you can never achieve anything by merely fantasizing.

That is how it is about relationships and marriage. You can liken it to a living organism that needs time to grow. Tweet This

Couples will never at all times feel affectionate or close to each other. There are times when things will look like all will be over in a minute, and you will be asking yourself if you made a mistake in getting married in the first instance.

But those moments are the most important time in every marriage. It is a time of growth.

Always have in your consciousness that nothing about your marriage will come on its own. You must have to devote yourselves to nurturing, building, and working to make it happen.

Myth #12: Marriage Benefits Men More Than Women:

This is another wrong marriage advice that can destroy a marriage. This makes women feel that their role in marriage is in a “negative light” and that they are a problem with their husband’s desires.

Women feel much freer in marriage when they are sure that they are well-recognized and appreciated; that is when they try all they can to do more for their marriage to succeed.

This will also help to make women not see themselves as a generous helper and the husband as the only benefactor.

Myth #13: Successful Marriages Are Just About Love and Luck:

From the survey, the couple under survey accepted that the reason for more marital happiness lies in their ability to communicate with each other’s companions.

Those couples who are happy in their marriage share compatibility and life in values and interests.

Myth #14: Couples Must Do Everything Together:

You must plan from the very first; start by writing down what you want in your marriage and work towards it.

Myth #15: Both Partners Must Always Work Together to Fix Problems:

I am yet to understand why people believe that partners must do everything together always. Does it mean one ceases to be who he/she was before getting married? No!

Everybody has his or her own life to live; notwithstanding the one they have as married couples, they should take a personal interest in each other’s goals; however, that is very different than saying that they are compelled to do all things together.

If couples are expected to do everything together, that will leave every one of the spouses feeling trapped in the relationship. There are some marriages where couples feel better when they are together, and some need to be separated sometimes if they do not feel better.

The point is this. Look for the method that suits your marriage perfectly and go on with it.

Myth 16: Every couple must work together to make sure the marriage works well:

This sounds smart, but it is the wrong marriage advice to disbelieve. Of course, partners must indeed work as a team to make their marriage stand out well. But what if your marriage is passing through trials, and maybe your partner does not look as if he/ she want to get involved in finding a solution to?

Maybe you know exactly what to do to repair the marriage. Would you go on waiting for your other half, or do what you have to do to heal your marriage? One partner can single-handedly take steps that could get the marriage back to its normal stage if he or she desires.

Conclusion On Wrong Marriage Advice To Neglect:

Throughout this article, I have shown you various forms of wrong marriage advice that sound smart but cause real harm. But let me wrap up with this: you will get lots of information when you want to take a new step in life. The most important thing is to compare it and know if it’s one of the wrong marriage advice or good advice too.

Remember, the success or failure of your marriage is in your hands; take a proper step, and you will make everyone happy. But one single mistake can destroy the relationship you have taken time to build. Is it that easy?

To avoid mistakes,  try to weigh any advice you get, then trash the wrong marriage advice and incorporate the good ones into your marriage.

If you enjoy reading this article, you can go ahead and share it with your friends on Facebook or Twitter to understand these wrong marriage advice.

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