Why Are Marriages Failing? and How To Save Yours

Why are marriages failing?

If you asked this question, “Why are marriages failing too?” then follow me closely because, in this post, I will show you many reasons why marriages are failing and how you can prevent yours from failing.

If you are ready, then let’s dive in.

Before you decided to settle down, you had dreams of how your marriage will be; now that you are married, you are so confused about what is happening.

You are not alone.

So many marriages are not stable and so many are on the verge of divorce, as am writing this post.

According to marriage experts, about 42 to 45 percent of American marriages end in divorce. You won’t want to be counted among the divorced; that’s why you are reading this post now.

There are so many reasons why marriages are failing, and you need to know what those marriage killers are and avoid them. However, you should know that most marriages will not have failed if the couples found ways to deal with their conflicts.

Knowing how to deal with your conflicts is imperative if you want your relationship to succeed. The truth is that different couples have different ways of navigating their conflicts, says John Guttman, Ph.D.

According to Guttman Institute, there are 5 types of couples when it comes to conflicts; knowing where you and your partner belong determines your marital success. Before I answer the question why are marriages failing, let’s look at the types of couples so we can easily understand why it is happening.

Let’s look at the 5 different types of couples.

Check them out below.

5 Types Of Couples.

 

The Conflict Avoiders:

This couple knows how to keep things simple during their communication; they avoid saying or doing anything that will hurt each other.

The couples choose to avoid confronting their issues directly by either changing the subject matter or by singing. This type of marriage can be more disastrous.

They don’t usually ask about each other’s feelings, emotions, wants, and thoughts. Even when one does, the other will not reciprocate. However, that doesn’t mean there is no chance for them to live together.

So, if you or your partner prefer not to say certain things to each other in order not to cause problems, then you are in a conflict avoidance game.

It may work for you for some time, but other problems may arise in the future because of that. The best solutions to marital problems are to talk about them and solve them, not to avoid them.

The volatile couples.

The volatile couples, according to the Guttman Institute, are the type that is always so emotional in all things. They are the opposite of the conflict avoider.

They love to argue, but they are always careful not to insult or criticize each other during their arguments. One important characteristic of the volatile couple is that no matter how they argue or quarrel, they never get disconnected from each other.

They also look for ways to mend every mistake they made during their quarrel so it won’t affect their relationship.

Validating Couple.

These are the couples that are always calm and relaxed during their interactions. Sometimes they become emotional, but most of the time they are reasonable and very calm.

The good thing about them is that they never argue or get angry during their interactions; instead, they support each other’s point of view.

Another interesting characteristic of this type of couple is their ability to correct any mistakes that occur as they interact.

Hostile Couples.

The hostile couple behaves similarly to the validating couple; however, they are usually defensive when they argue. These couples argue and criticize each other always, and they love to use the word “you always’ when they argue.

The interesting thing about this type of couple is that, as much as they are not happy in their marriage, they don’t separate more often.

The Hostile-Detached Couples.

These types of couples fight always, and yet no one wins. They are tired and frustrated with each other most of the time, yet they can’t find a way out of their continuous conflict.

They criticize each other daily and with a cold detachment too. The hostile, detached couple love to fight until one person surrenders, compromises, or withdraws from the fight.

Meanwhile, the other partner never stops or allows the other to stop quarreling; instead, he/she remains angry and frustrated. It is always easy for the couple in this state to divorce, but the hostile couple never divorces.

The reason is that while the hostile couple find ways to settle their disputes immediately, the hostile – detached don’t; instead, they fight to the last. You have read the five classes of couples described here; the question is, which of them describes your relationship?

Let’s look at the different reasons why marriages are failing

Why Are Marriages Failing?

1) Getting Married With The Wrong Motive.

You heard that right! If you get married for the wrong reasons, that marriage will never last. It is not a curse, but reality.

Here is what I mean:

• You Married Because Of Money: If you get married to someone you feel is okay because of his/her financial status, you want to leave when the money is no more. It is possible to go from being a millionaire to bankrupt in a flash; have you considered what will happen if money is the reason you married him/her.
• It’s Hard To Find Someone Else: If you married because you thought you’d not find someone like him/her, then you have made the worst mistakes. The moment you think this thought, you have limited your chances of actually succeeding. Don’t you ever limit yourself; the best is there for you.
• Pressures from Your Relatives and Friends? I understand how difficult it is to resist pressure from family and friends to marry, but do not give in. Wait for the best time and the best partner to come.
• You Are Afraid of Being Alone: Many people rush into a relationship because they fear remaining single for the rest of their lives. That’s another bad reason to get married. You should be single rather than in a toxic relationship.

Why Are Marriages Failing? Number Two:

Affair.

Affair or infidelity is another thing that will cause a marriage to fail. Whether it is emotional affairs or physical affairs, infidelity can destroy any marriage in a twinkle of an eye.

Many of us usually think that physical intimacy is worse than emotional, but the truth is that both are bad because the trauma is the same.

Think about when your partner finds out that you have betrayed them; they feel cheated, and the bonds will be affected.

Affairs can destroy the trust, communication, and respect you have for each other that you want to divorce.

In some cases, it is the unfaithful partner who leaves the relationship because he/she knows that things can never be the same again.

However, some couples work on their marriage after an affair and still get their relationship back, but most don’t.

It is not easy to rebuild a relationship after an affair, but when you succeed, you will surely get the best and a new relationship.

https://youtu.be/U8xsEaocWh0

Why Are Marriages Failing? Number Three:

Money Issues.

Financial issues are another thing on the top list of marriage breakers. The survey also shows that financial issues have caused about 22% of divorces that happen.

So whether you have been married for a while now or are about to marry, you have to get your finances right to prevent troubles in your relationship.

Find time to talk about your financial situations before marriage; it will help you understand each other’s views about saving and spending.

Although it won’t be easy, says Andrea Woroch, it is worth doing to avoid future challenges.

Why Are Marriages Failing? Number Four:

No Commitment.

Your marriage can’t survive when you and your partner are not ready to commit to making it work. Marriage needs daily nurturing to work.

You got to invest in anything possible that will help your marriage grow. Read books, play CDs, and attend seminars to learn what makes or destroys a relationship.

Learn about what you should do to avoid possible conflict, and fortify yourself with ideas to make your relationship the best.

Why Are Marriages Failing? Number Five:

When You Grow Apart From Each Other.

You had so much to enjoy in the early stage of your relationship, but now so many things are on the way.

The daily activities have taken over the relationship you once shared. Every

There is no more connection, touch, and romance; everyone has to wind up and look for alternatives outside.

Every couple in a long-term relationship must try to grow together with the relationship. Find things that will add value to your relationship and inculcate it.

You will only succeed when you work like a team and not when you grow apart from each other.

The results of growing apart are always divorce. So if you don’t want a divorce, then don’t allow attrition to destroy your relationship.

Of course, here are five more reasons why marriages are failing, including social media.

Why Are Marriages Failing? Number Six:

Poor Communication:

Any relationship works on communication. In its absence, misconceptions, resentments, and emotional distance start growing. Not sharing feelings, apprehensions, and desires between couples creates room for assumptions and issues harbored and unresolved.

Often, this inactiveness of articulate communication leads to unresolved conflicts, and these are what contribute toward marriage breakdowns. Most marriages fail because married couples stop sharing inner thoughts and emotions, which had been a strong point in the past.

Why Are Marriages Failing? Number Seven:

Impact of social networking media:

It’s that social media has been silently killing marriages. The trend of comparing one’s life to the apparently faultless lives of people on Instagram and Facebook is very prevalent between couples in these modern times. Feelings of discontent and a sense of inadequacy will make one or both doubt their marriage.

Also, inappropriate online interactions with other people, such as flirting and emotional cheating through direct messages, would increase.
Too much social networking is one of those reasons couples do not have quality time together, thus weakening the marital bond.

Why are marriages failing number eight?

Unrealistic Expectations:

Most get married with very high expectations, feeling that the spouse will meet all of their emotional, financial, and physical needs. When reality then sets in and those expectations are not met, there is disappointment.

Over time, this may breed resentment and a lack of appreciation for the actual strengths in the relationship. Marriage is a partnership; it does not justify your belief that your spouse solves all of your problems, which is very unrealistic and unhealthy.

Why Are Marriages Failing Number Ten?

Lack of intimacy:

Physical and emotional intimacy is part and parcel of marriage. Its absence may connote denial and could bring both partners farther from each other. It is not just about sex; it is about closeness, affection, and sharing of experience. A cold, distant marriage normally happens because there is just no effort to bring the marriage closer in intimacy, thus creating dissatisfaction that eventually will lead to a divorce.

Why Are Marriages Failing Number Eleven?

Work-Life Imbalance:

Pressures of work and failure to balance profession with personal life put heavy strains on a marital relationship. Whenever either or both of them tend to focus more attention on their career and less on each other, the relationship will invariably suffer.

This may lead to separation between the couple over time and create the condition opposite to having a healthy and fruitful married life. The couples should recognize how demands from work are balanced with commitment towards each other in order to avoid marital issues.

While couples were wary of these reasons and faced them head-on, they had better protected their marriage from failure. Each one of these reasons, including the use of social media, has been looming, but through open communications and commitment, a relationship will survive.

In Conclusion:

I hope I answered your question on “why are marriages failing?” in this article. You will be shocked to know that most of the marriages would have been saved from divorce had the couples added a little effort.

I am still your in-house counselor, Murphyaik.