What Kills A Marriage: 9 Lifestyles That Kills Marriage
Many lifestyles kill a marriage fast, and I want to share them with you today so you can avoid them. One common question I get from my subscribers daily is “Why do marriages fail, even when the couples involved were living and were both happy in the beginning?
I asked those questions too, especially when it is obvious to me that the marriage has lasted 10- 20 years and above. Driving from my personal experiences as a marriage instructor, I found out that no couple wants to be married and file for divorce the next moment, and no one of them is happy when they are finally separated.
But, here are some toxic relationship lifestyles couples usually get stocked on that can kill a marriage and relationship fast. In this article, I’ll show you those toxic relationship lifestyle that kills a marriage so you’ll stay clear of them to retain happiness in your relationship.
If you are ready for this, then let’s dive in at once.
Toxic relationship lifestyles That Kills A Marriage:
1 Poor communication:
From the latest survey, it was found that one trick for stripping divorce /separation lies in how well and effectively you communicate with your spouse. It was also found that sixty-five % of divorces came from wrong communication while forty-eight % came from the inability to resolve conflicts.
John Gottman a professor and a marriage expert from Washington University after research identified. These four communication problems are the main reasons for divorce.
Here they are:
- Refusal to communicate at all
- (stonewalling )“Criticizing of partner’s personality.
- Contempt.
- Defensiveness.
All I want to pass across to you at this moment is that communication is the bedrock of every successful relationship. A friend of mine said, “If your partner stops talking, start worrying.” Take a close look at your relationship now and see if all is well about your communication with your spouse, if not, then it’s time to get to work on it.
I have already written on how to communicate effectively, and I explained everything you should know about communication.
2 Financial mistakes:
When it comes to relationships, money is always a big threat. The tendency for separation goes high when a partner thinks the other is not spending money correctly. A lot of studies conducted lately have shown that money is the number one thing that kills a marriage fast, quarrel, or divorce.
My advice to you is to understand how much you earn as well as how much you have to spend. Forget about going on an expensive vacation because your Neighbor did or buying costly jewelry for each. Remember you may not stand the stress that will come later as the debts start coming.
3 Comparing One Another:
I am a victim of this myself. I have found myself comparing my wife or your husband with other women. Somehow it looked as if it is in our nature to compare. I said that because it is always so easy for us to compare careers, appearance, as well as our marriage. But, that can destroy your marriage in a flash.
It can suck the soul out of your relationship with your spouse because it only makes you constantly look for those things you don’t have instead of protecting what you already have. When you compare your spouse, you are only telling your partner that the other person is better than him or her and also depriving yourself of the opportunity to build your appreciation for the beauty of your relationship.
That lifestyle kills a marriage fast, so run away from them. In a nutshell, understand that comparing your spouse is not healthy. If you think something is missing, then try to make it happen.
4 Abuse:
The moment couples get stocked in abuse, their marriage is negatively affected. Whether it’s verbal or emotional abuse, abuse remains abuse and can destroy any relationship. Abuse usually starts when one partner tries to control and dominate the other.
The plan of the abusive spouse is just to use fear, shame guilt and intimidation to beat and hold you down under his /her control. If you are an abusive partner, it’s time to quit because you are silently killing your marriage. Just show some respect and remember that your partner is a human being as well.
5 Expecting so much from your partner:
You are still caught in believing that your spouse is an angel and not a human being, that’s why you think he /she can read your mind. You expect way too much from him /her. You fall into the trap of desiring your wife/your husband-to-be and doing more things as the year goes by.
Sometimes, you expect him to play the role that can only be played by a friend, but all that can only take a big toll on your relationship; in fact, it kills a marriage fast. I implore you to stop it this minute. Dr. Karin Anderson, an associate professor of psychology at Concord University Chicago, said: “It just hasn’t happened yet; unrealistic expectations can work against you and the quest for love.”
He also said that anyone in that category may be sabotaging his love life without knowing it. Stephanie Coontz, in her explanation, said that higher expectations can lead to greater disappointments. My opinion is that you start from this moment and look for those qualities of your marriage which you can’t see anywhere else and only concentrate on them.
6) Neglecting To Set Boundaries:
One of the ways to get your marriage strong and flourishing is to set boundaries. It is essential and a must-do for all couples. Without boundaries, you may feel disrespected or taken for granted in your marriage.This usually happens when there are interferences, maybe from inlaws, family, or friends.
However, when you get your boundaries right, as regards your time, finances, privacy, etc will ensure mutual respect and pure understanding with your partner. After setting your boundaries, openly talk about it with your partner, so they will know what makes you uncomfortable or comfortable. That will help but of you to respect your different limits. It not right to ignore boundaries because it is one of those lifestyles that kills a marriage fast if not addressed fast.
7) Lack of Emotional Support:
Marriage works well when the couples feel taken care of emotionally and physically. Meanwhile, when you or your partner constantly neglects each other’s needs and feelings or fails to offer resentment, it kills a marriage fast.
Emotionally neglecting your partner can make them feel unvalued, and it can cause a strong disconnect between you too.
To avoid this from happening, you must be an active listener, show empathy, and understand how to validate each other’s feelings better. Additionally, learn to celebrate each other’s wins, whether big or small, and show them you care. Emotional support creates trust and intimacy and helps a marriage become stronger by the day.
8) Constantly Criticizing And Mocking Your Partner:
Criticizing or blaming your partner all the time can create a bad environment in your relationship. Over time, this can become too much and then erode your partner’s self-esteem and then build animosity. Constructive feedback is good, but being overly negative can weigh your partner down and make her feel unloved.
So, stop comparing and focus on finding common ground together. Use “I” statements more when talking than “you” and stop being judgemental; it kills a marriage fast.
9 Neglecting Quality Time Together:
If you are not spending quality time with your partner then you are engaging in those silent marriage killers. Most times, it is our job, taking care of children and other personal interests, that sniffs us of that time to share. When this happens, emotional distance creeps in and destroys the intimacy you share.
Spending quality time with each other helps to reconnect and improve your bonds. Without that, there will be feelings of being neglected or misunderstood. To navigate this, you have to prioritize your time together. Set aside dedicated to being together, it can be weekly, 15 minutes a day have weekly date nights, or talk evening walks together. Not spending time is one of those lifestyles that kills a marriage, so, do the needful.
Finally On Lifestyle That Kills A Marriage Fast:
If your relationship is of utmost importance to you, then you should try to remove all these lifestyle that kills a marriage fast from your marriage. It all depends on how f, as you want your relationship to grow, but I implore you to keep keeping on even when all looks bad. Don’t relent; just keep nurturing and keep your distance from all these lifestyles that kill a marriage.
I am still your In-house counselor, Murphyaik.
See you at the top.
Hey! I will love if you can say a hello, or leave a comment below, ask any question you have. Please, share this with your family and friends, you may not know who will benefit from this insight on what kills a marriage fast. Your journey to save your marriage starts today.
